Dear Mistress,

I am a healthy, fit and attractive woman in my late 20s. I have a super-high sex drive. The problem is, when I don’t have a boyfriend, I have zero sex. I frequently wish I could detach from myself and explore more casual sex. I can’t seem to be intimate with someone who doesn’t seem interested in the long haul, though I would really, really like to. I can’t tell if it’s fear of rejection, lack of self confidence, or remnants of a super strict and religious upbringing. Any advice on how to lose these inhibitions and take care of business?

Signed,

Too Square to Slut

Dear Too Square,

Have you watched television lately? If you believe what you see on new shows such as “Girls” on HBO, casual sex is requisite for women in their 20s. You nailed it with your sign-off: If you’re not getting it on with every Tom, Dick or Harry, you’re a square.

Of course, this isn’t true. Far be it from me to put down casual sex (one of my favorite past times), but it’s not for everyone. Maybe you’re a happier person when you’re not sleeping around, and that’s OK.

That said, if you’re committed to a casual conquest, here’s a word to remember: honesty. You need to be real with yourself. Can you handle a casual relationship? Play the scenario out in your head. You have sex with a guy and don’t get brunch in the morning — hell, he might not even spend the night. How does that make you feel? As long as you’re OK with it, and he’s on the same page, go for it.

You may want to be a voracious vamp, but don’t force it. Remember, just because you’re not having sex with a partner doesn’t mean you can’t have exciting, mind-blowing orgasms. When was the last time you tried a new position while masturbating? Bought a new sex toy? Spent an hour revving yourself up watching porn or reading erotica before getting yourself off? The most important sexual relationship you have is with yourself — be a good partner and keep things spicy.

TCB,

mm