I Can’t Seem to Please My Man Sexually | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I Can’t Seem to Please My Man Sexually


Published July 6, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.

  • ID 233820286 © Dietmar Hoepfl Jun. | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I can't seem to please my man sexually. He never seems satisfied and always wants more. Any advice?

Lolo Libido (female, 24)

Dear Lolo Libido,

Usually, if a person isn't satisfied with an activity, they don't jump at the chance to do it again. So if your guy always wants to shake the sheets, he must be having a good time. The bigger question is: Are you?

"Desire discrepancy" is a fancy term for when partners have different degrees of desire for sex. It's a very common problem that will likely happen sooner or later in any sexual relationship.

Sex drive is very fluid. Many things can affect it: mental and physical health, stress, the weather. The chances of two people having perfectly matched libidos is very slim, but it's not hard to get more in sync. The most important way to do that is through communication.

The two of you should sit down and have an honest conversation about your sexual compatibility. Your partner needs to understand your perspective, but be sure to voice your feelings without placing blame or judgment — you don't want him to feel rejected or guilty about his desires. Set that tone, and he should do the same for you.

And remember, there are many ways to feel sexual connection without intercourse: mutual masturbation, massages, oral sex and even just kissing. Exploring different paths to intimacy can be fun and satisfying for everyone involved.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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