Dear Mistress,

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for about six months. I’m having fun, meeting nice people, but nothing serious yet. I’m looking for your validation on my point of view that first dates should be brief encounters to see if there’s any chemistry, not daylong activities. I’ve had a couple of guys suggest first-date excursions like going to see a concert in Montréal or heading down to a Patriots game. Both activities sound fun, but that would make our first date at least six hours long. I think that’s crazy! What if we don’t get along? Then we’re stuck with each other the better part of a day!

I want to know what you think, Mistress, because a couple of friends and my mother have expressed that they think I’m being close minded and just looking for something “wrong” with these guys. Please tell me your thoughts, because at this point, I even think dinner and movie is too much commitment for the first date.

Thanks,

Short and Sweet

Dear Short and Sweet,

I’m with you. The best first dates are like building blocks. Start with one block, a drink or a cup of coffee, to see if conversation and chemistry flow. If things go well, add another block: “Hey, I know we said we’d meet up just for drinks, but are you hungry? I know a great sushi place.” If dinner is a smash hit, add a third block: “A killer band is playing around the corner, feel like catching the show with me?” If the night builds slowly, it takes the pressure off of both daters from the start. Just be careful not to add too much too soon — some blocks should be saved for at least the second date, if you catch my drift.

All that said, don’t discount these grandiose guys — they’re simply trying to impress you with fun, imaginative date ideas. Instead of kicking them to the curb, tell them that while you’d be totally down for a concert in Canada or a fun day of football, you’d prefer to meet up and see if you click before planning a day trip. They’ll likely appreciate your sensibility, as they won’t be betting time and resources on a first date that could flop.

Long and Strong,

mm