Dear Mistress,

On the rare occasion that I get super drunk, all I want to do is have anal sex. My boyfriends and hookups have told me that I get demanding and literally try to guide their members into my butt (with no lube, mind you). A couple of guys have tried to accommodate but it hurts like hell, so we stop and I wake up with a sore ass. I have never had full-on anal when sober, so why do I insist on trying it when I’m drunk? Apparently I think it’s sexy in the moment, but really I’m just embarrassing myself.

Signed,

Anal Retentive

Dear AR,

When you say hello to booze, you say good bye to your inhibitions. Once you’ve had a few, you find anal sex to be as intoxicating as a martini, which indicates that you may have some underlying curiosity — so lose the booze and get down to some sober back-door exploration!

When done correctly, anal sex is safe, fun and fulfilling. When done hastily and without lubrication, it can be painful and dangerous. Grab a willing partner, a box of condoms, a bottle of lube and a copy of Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Trust me, this concoction is more potent than a Long Island iced tea and more fun than a sake bomb.

And one more thing — were you using condoms during these drunken hookups? If you’re drinking so much that you’re engaging in risky activities, perhaps it’s time to examine your alcohol intake. It’s all fun and games until someone gets an STI.

Jimmy hattin’,

mm