Dear Mistress,

Is it normal to get turned on by watching other guys fool around with my wife — everything from doggie style to 69? I wondered if men turned me on, so I gave it a try, but it really didn’t do anything for me. That said, I enjoy going down on my wife after another guy comes inside her. I think it’s something about liking both their juices mixed together — it makes me hot! What does this say about my attraction to men (or lack thereof)?

Signed,

What Gives?

Dear W.G.,

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “Normal” is a subjective term. What’s normal for you in the bedroom might be totally weird for someone else — but who cares? As long as your sexual play is safe, sane and consensual, you have my blessing to follow your hard-on wherever it takes you. And I assure you, you’re not alone in liking to watch another man service your wife, so don’t sweat it.

Have you heard the term cuckold? Cuckoldry is an Old English term derived from “cuckoo” — a bird with a fondness for laying her eggs in another bird’s nest. A cuckold is a husband whose wife sleeps with another man, and Anneli Rufus of the Daily Beast calls it one of the hottest sexual trends among America’s intellectuals. Why only for the high-minded? According to Rufus, and her test subjects, it’s because cuckolding provides a mental workout — it takes cognitive fortitude to control one’s customary “defend thy wife’s honor” response to watching her get rammed by another dude.

Why cuckolding? Men get off on the jealousy, shame and competitiveness of seeing their beloved in the arms of another man (often perceived to be a better, stronger, more virile man). This may explain your desire to see your wife pleasured by another. Think about it — by going down on your wife after another man ejaculates inside her, you’re literally rubbing your nose in it.

My advice? Stop worrying so much about the how and why. If your wife is enjoying sex with other men in front of you as much as you like watching her, it sounds like you’ve got a winning combination. Just remember to practice safe sex and communicate often — it takes a lot of condoms and conversation to keep a nonmonogamous relationship healthy.

Go cuck yourself,

mm

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