• ID 169790369© Vgorbash | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

When I was a teenager, I was at a party where some people had a Ouija board. They were asking it questions like if they were going to get married. For some reason, I asked how old I would be when I died. The answer was spelled out as "sixty four." At the time, that seemed like a very far-off age. I didn't think about it all that much, but it stayed in the back of my mind. Now that I'm 63, it's got me really scared. Am I being ridiculous?

Nervous Nate (man, 63)

Dear Nervous Nate,

There aren't too many things that I've said I will never try, but giving birth, cocaine and Ouija boards are on the short list. It's not that I believe Ouija boards can open up a portal to hell or cause a demon to possess your soul. It's because I know that whatever it "says" can really mess with your head if you let it. Your case in point.

There's a long history of so-called "spirit" or "talking" boards, but the one you encountered was likely the version made by Parker Brothers, the company responsible for games like Risk and Monopoly. The Ouija board actually outsold Monopoly — no small feat — in 1967 during the Vietnam War. It seems that trying to contact spirits is quite popular during wartime. Go figure.

The Ouija board's bad rap started in 1973, when one played a part in the wildly popular movie The Exorcist. Long story short: A little girl gets in touch with an entity named Captain Howdy while using one, and the next thing you know, her head is spinning and priests are flying out the window. Concern about demonic possession ran rampant, and the Satanic panic of the 1980s added fuel to the fire.

The game has been around for more than 130 years, with tens of millions of boards sold. If Ouija could actually foretell a person's death date — or anything else at all, really — you'd think there would be at least one solidly documented case. But there isn't. All we have are spooky stories told at slumber parties and in fictional horror movies.

I don't think you have anything to be worried about, but I understand that the fear you feel is real. Why not conquer it by planning a big, blowout birthday party?

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend