How Do I Get Through My First Mother's Day Without Mom? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Do I Get Through My First Mother's Day Without Mom?


Published May 8, 2024 at 10:00 a.m.

  • © Ernest Akayeu | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

My mother passed away four months ago. Although she was older and had lived a great life, it was still rather unexpected. I don't have any other family besides one sister who lives in another state. I've been doing OK, but now that Mother's Day is coming, I'm really missing her and feeling sad. How do I get through the first one without her?

Downhearted Daughter (woman, 49)

Dear Downhearted Daughter,

My mother died two days before Mother's Day in 2015. It's never easy losing your mom, but I tell ya what: That put an extra whammy on it.

Luckily, I had a lot of family nearby, and we muddled through by cracking jokes and indulging in my mom's favorite treat: ice cream. I can only imagine how hard it must be not to have relatives close at hand. Even though your sister lives far away, give her a call to reminisce about happy times and support each other long-distance. If you have friends you can lean on, now would be a good time to reach out to them, too.

Although your mom isn't physically here anymore, you can still do something to honor her on Mother's Day. Take the day to celebrate the part of her that lives on in you. Watch a movie the two of you loved. Cook one of her famous recipes. Buy yourself a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Put on the music she listened to and dance around the house. Do whatever makes you feel her presence the most.

If your mother was like mine, she wouldn't want you to feel blue about anything — even her passing. But it's OK to be sad. You just lost her a minute ago. Pull out the old photos and let the tears flow. A good hard cry can be like a shower for your soul. Just be sure to follow it with something that will cheer you up.

Grief is weird. It's not something you ever really get over. However, sooner or later you'll find a way to move through life with it. Pro tip: A hot fudge sundae can really help.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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