Which of Three Hotties Should I Choose? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Which of Three Hotties Should I Choose?


Published June 25, 2014 at 10:00 a.m.

Dear Athena,

I've been dating three women at once. Three amazing women that I really, really like and I want them all, but I sort of feel like I should just pick one. Should I try to just keep dating them all until one turns out to be the best? How do I pick without hurting the other women's feelings? I'm totally stressed about it and bummed that I have to choose.


Three Hotties, One Guy

Dear Three Hotties,

Are you serious? Is that really your problem right now? Are you aware that people are starving, kids can't afford to go to school and our planet is probably dying? Listen, pal, I'm not going to beat around the bush: Get over yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I think dating a lot of people is cool. It's fun to get out there, be open and engage with different types. Proactive exploration is healthy — that's how we figure out who suits us best. Especially if you're actively seeking a life partner. Romance and true love don't usually just come knocking; you have to invite them into your life.

But what's not cool is being sketchy about it. If even one of those women doesn't know you are actively dating two others, then you're being a jerk. Pick one or get out of the pot, so to speak. And if you've given any of them the impression that you're monogamous, then you should immediately end it with all of them. It's absolutely unfair and douche-baggish to let a woman think she's your one and only when she isn't.

On the other hand, if everyone is on the same page with dating multiples — hey, maybe your "hotties" are, too — then a different approach is in order. Many people reading this column right now are no doubt envious of your situation. It's hard enough to find one person we really like, let alone three. But are you assuming that any one of these women is ready to get serious with you? Have you asked any of them how they feel? For all you know, you're on someone's chopping block.

Here's the deal: If you can't decide, then don't. Continue to casually date each woman and see what happens. When the right woman reveals herself, you will know right away. But if things get more intense with one, call it off with the others (see above). Whether you fall hard for one of these lovely ladies or for someone you haven't even met yet, you'll know it when you feel it. And the decision will be made for you.