Ask Athena: What's Up With Going Down? BJ 101 | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Ask Athena: What's Up With Going Down? BJ 101


Published May 31, 2017 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated May 31, 2017 at 11:59 a.m.

Dear Athena,

I've never given head. I think it might be gross, but I want to do it to my partner. My partner has a nice dick, so I'm glad about that. Help! Is it gross or boring?


Head Help

Dear Head Help,

Good for you for wanting to try something new. No matter how awkward it may feel at the start, experimentation can strengthen the bond between you and your partner. And expanding your sexual repertoire is always a good thing!

That said, it's OK to be nervous; your guy probably is, too. Start by asking him what he likes — getting a little direction will take the pressure off of you. If your partner has a hard time giving pointers, here are some handy tips to consider:

• You're worried that it might be "gross," so start your adventure in the shower together. The fun foreplay is a sexy way for your partner to freshen up first. Know that you can always tell him to bathe before you go down on him. If he wants it badly enough and is supportive of making you feel comfortable, he'll gladly do it.

• Have a spoonful or two of honey before heading south. It'll get your salivary glands going, and you'll reap the added bonus of the lingering sweet taste.

• Make sure you're in a comfortable position. If your neck is twisted and your knees are stiff, you're going to be distracted and uncomfortable. Get into a position you can be happy in for a while, 'cause who knows how long your sweetie will last!

• Take your time: You don't have to rush through the experience or take all of him in your mouth at once. It's OK to take a break. Change up your technique when you get tired — you can use the "vacuum method" (yes, sucking like a vacuum) or try more tongue. Your hands can help, too. It's not a race or a test of endurance.

• Never feel obligated to swallow. That choice is up to you! If your partner insists either way, call it quits on blow jobs 'til he smartens up. No part of giving head should ever feel like an actual job.

• Remember, you're in control. Some people see a blow job as an act of submission — you're usually on your knees, after all. But, really, you're the one calling the shots here. Connect with your dominating side and play up the role. It can be empowering and fun.

• Going down on someone is never boring when your partner is willing and eager to return the gesture, so why not take turns? After all, oral sex is best shared with someone who's got your back — or, in this case, your front!