During this election season, I've been thinking a lot about what I want from my politicians, and in particular, from my governor. Now, this is dangerous since I know somewhere between not much and absolute bubkes about politics. OK, that's not necessarily true — I work for a newspaper, so I'm not totally out of the loop — but I'm no wonk. Or Wonkette. Whatever.
If you ask most people what they want to see from their politicians, they'll likely say honesty, integrity, forthrightness and fresh breath. Oh, and the willingness to cut taxes. And the ability to keep their wieners under control.
But not me. I'm looking for something a little more basic from my governor. Below is a list (illustrated with helpful photos) of things I want my leaders to be good at. If Shumlin and Dubie can handle these tasks, then I'd be happy to throw either man my vote.
GIANT CHECK HOLDING
HONORARY DEGREE RECEIVING
And, in the event of a tie (with regard to ability to perform aforementioned tasks), I will use the following to determine who gets my precious vote for guv:
THE ABILITY TO PERFORM TWO OR MORE OF THESE TASKS AT ONCE
Hand shaking and honorary degree receiving? At the same time? Uncle Jim, you're an ANIMAL!