After being in my current relationship for almost a year, I find myself becoming bored with my and my partner's sex life. It was hot in the beginning, but now it's like we only do the same limited moves over and over again. We have talked openly about changing positions and doing different things, but it never seems to actually happen. Sometimes I even fall asleep during the foreplay or am not up for sex because it does not excite me as it used to. I have tried to make the effort to do new things, but nothing has changed. What other ways can I initiate change in our behind-doors relationship before the idea of sex becomes too mundane and boring to attempt?
Burnt-Out Flame (female, 26)
Dear Burnt-Out Flame,
The position you find yourself in is certainly not unusual. The hot-and-heavy sex at the beginning of a relationship is always a blast, but it's hard to keep that up forever. Hitting a slump is practically inevitable, but luckily there are a million ways to turn up the heat.
It sounds like you and your partner have good communication going already, which really is the key to everything in a relationship. How about bringing that over into sex? Make a game of telling each other exactly what you want to do and have done to you. Talking about your wildest fantasies is also a great way to get the juices flowing.
Perhaps take a trip to your local sex shop. Look for one of those sexual-position dice games; that's an easy way to shake things up. Who knows what other toys you might take home? Even if you only buy some massage oil, browsing the aisles of the racier stuff is sure to inspire.
Other ideas? Have sex anywhere but the bedroom. Take it outside or to a public place — with discretion, of course. If you're into it, watch some porn together. Get some fancy lingerie. Make a playlist of your favorite sexy songs to set the mood. If you usually have sex in the evening, give it a go in the morning or meet up in the middle of the day for a quickie. I could go on and on, but what can't go on any longer is you falling asleep during foreplay. So grab the bull by the horny and make it happen!
Good luck and God bless,