The George W. Bush Recession-Induced Diet.

The Canteloupe Diet — three a day. I heard it on the radio, so it must be true!

The No Food Diet — just drink your favorite beverage instead.

Yerba Maté green tea from Paraguay — it really should be the next big thing.

Whatever the next fad is, let’s hope it involves some common sense…

The Red Meat Diet, particularly Steak Tartare, with a possible malt beverage supplement on the side. The alternative would be the Sodium Nitrate Diet: raw hot dogs.