I want to lose weight, but it is a slow and seemingly fruitless process. I used to think that I should wait until I lose weight to have a relationship, but lately I’ve been thinking I would really like to date, and perhaps find a relationship, now. The problem is, all the guys I’m meeting want to keep it casual (all one-night stands or friends with benefits). I wonder if I’m still putting out that vibe of not wanting a relationship because of my weight. Maybe I won’t find a guy until I lose the weight, but it would be really nice to just go on some dates.
Your column is awesome, by the way.
Thank you for the compliment, and I’m going to give you one in return: You are gorgeous just the way you are. You should never put your life on hold for something as arbitrary as weight. You think you’ll be more deserving of love once you’ve shed a few pounds, but you’re actually hurting your chances of getting to a healthier weight by putting off your happiness. To treat your body with respect, you have to believe you’re worthy. And if you don’t believe you’re worthy of love, how can you convince yourself you’re worthy of health?
I agree with you about the vibe you’re sending out. If you don’t think you’re good enough for a relationship, you will continue to attract dudes who only want sex. So work from the inside out and change your vibe. What do you love doing? Make a list of things that bring you joy and do them daily. Don’t look at the scale for a while — give yourself a break from counting calories and focus on that list
If you’re ready to date, create an online profile (spring for a paid dating site where singles are more serious about relationships — the freebies seem to attract more casual daters). When creating your profile, focus on the positive. Most sites ask you to choose your body type. Proudly select “full figured” and post photos that show off your ferocious curves. If you’re confident about what you’re bringing to the table, more guys will want to pull up a chair.
Fill out my online form.