Dear Mistress Maeve,
I grew up fat. Very, very fat. I didn't date very much. When I did "date," I slept with the guy right away and never heard from him again. Eventually, I found a cool guy who was fine with just having a sexual relationship, and we've been having sex for about 10 years.
Now, I've lost all the weight and gained some self-esteem. I still see my sex buddy three to four times a month. The sex is AWESOME, but that's all it is - sex. We don't talk on the phone, hang out or run in the same group of friends. I date, but I have yet to meet anyone I'd leave my sex buddy for - so I end up sleeping with both my "dates" and my sex buddy (carefully, of course).
My problem now is that I am dating a very nice guy, and I like him. I want a boyfriend, and I think I could have something awesome with this guy. However, I don't know how (nor do I really want) to lose my sex buddy. I'm afraid to lose what I have - great sex and a special friend - for a chance at a real boyfriend.
You struck up a convenient relationship with your sex buddy when your self-esteem was at an all-time low. It sounds like you weren't able to accept love when you were heavier, and your sex buddy offered you a way to be sexually satisfied without being emotionally vulnerable.
Now that you've lost the weight, it's time to clean house. Just as you go through your closet and get rid of the clothes that are now too big, you must also toss out the habits and relationships that no longer fit.
You are hanging on to your sex buddy because you're afraid to let go and accept that you are good enough to love and be loved. If you truly want a boyfriend, it's time to say goodbye to a 10-year relationship that is holding you back. You're physically skinny - now it's time to slim down emotionally.