Tips for First-time Swingers | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Arts + Life » Mistress Maeve

Tips for First-time Swingers

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published March 27, 2013 at 9:58 a.m.

Dear Mistress,

My boyfriend and I are thinking about hooking up with another couple. Neither of us has ever done the “swinging” thing, but we’re curious to see what it’s about. Problem is, I’m really in love with him, and I worry that we’ll feel insecure or jealous. I think I’d be OK, but I guess you never know. And I don’t want him to think I would ever cheat on him (unless, of course, we’re all in the same room).

Any advice for the best way to deal with the situation? And why aren’t there more normal, decent-looking couples like us looking for group sex?



Dear Groupie,

Maintaining a healthy relationship while swinging is possible, but you’re smart to be thinking about consequences ahead of time. Too many couples get burned when they barrel into nonmonogamy without doing the necessary prep work.

Before you have sex with another couple, talk to your partner — like, really talk. Discuss why you’re seeking pleasure outside of your relationship, and make sure it isn’t because either of you is unhappy — a recipe for swinging disaster. As an exercise, imagine how each of you will feel when the first foursome encounter is over. What will you say to one another? How will you reconnect as a couple? You can stop worrying that you’ll feel insecure or jealous — you probably will. The question is, how will you deal with those emotions as a couple?

When you’re ready to find a willing couple, the internet is your friend. Living in Vermont has many perks, but a loud and proud swinging community isn’t one them — you have to seek out the community online. And don’t forget our kink-friendly neighbors to the north. Montréal is just a short drive away and offers a multitude of options for pleasure seekers of every stripe. Swinging in members-only clubs is legal there, and the clubs are easy to find by searching the web. Just remember to bring your passport and plenty of protection.

Swinging sensation,


Fill out my online form.