Hi Mistress Maeve,
I am a 26-year-old female who cannot accept that the guy I like may just be heartless. He was a friend from high school, and we reconnected last summer when he moved back to my hometown (nine years later). We met for a drink . . . and later had sex.
The past year has been like this - we'd talk sporadically; I'd let him know when I was visiting home; we'd meet and have sex. Feelings I had for him in high school re-emerged, and when I told him, he reacted immaturely and justified his response by saying he couldn't believe I actually liked him.
Then I found out from a friend that he has a child, which he confirmed only when I later asked him about it. We still have sex, but he always leaves at 5 a.m. to be back in time for his daughter to wake up. While noble, this behavior leaves me feeling like a whore.
He doesn't care about me. I need to let go, but I can't.
Dejected Yet Hopeful
Remember the "Sex in the City" episode where Miranda's date declines her invitation to come up to her apartment because he has an early meeting? And when Miranda asks Carrie's boyfriend Berger for advice, he says, "He's just not that into you."
I think you know what I'm getting at - it's time to move on. Your high school sweetheart hasn't graduated to adult relationships yet, and you deserve more. Plus, he lied to you - about having a kid! And I'm willing to bet it's not the only thing he's being dishonest about.
You say that you need to let go but can't. That's not true - you're choosing to stay involved. This relationship has put you through the emotional wringer, and it's time for you to start valuing yourself. Trust me, high school should remain in the past.
Totally into you,