My girlfriend has told me that she often fantasizes about being tied up during sex, and I know she’s tried it with other people in the past. We haven’t done any bondage, but I’ve noticed that she will often slip her hands behind her head or underneath the pillow when we’re having sex, almost like she’s restraining herself. I’m happy to tie her up, but I’m curious why people like to be bound. I want to make sure I know what I’m getting myself into, and she’s not very vocal about why she likes it.
Dear In Knots,
People ask me about bondage all the time, and I always say the same thing: Why do people ride rollercoasters? Because it’s a way to feel out of control and exhilarated in a (relatively) safe environment. Much like hopping on the Tower of Terror, being tied up and surrendering to pleasure is a surefire way to leave the stresses of life behind and be in the moment.
As for the specific reasons your girlfriend wants to be tied up, you’d have to ask her — and you should. Let her know that you’re happy to sling her up, but that you’d get more enjoyment from the experience if she shared more of her feelings with you. If she gets tongue-tied, ask her some questions to get the dialogue started. Start with, “When you’re tied up, how do you feel — excited? Dangerous? Naughty?” Ask her, “How are your orgasms different when you’re tied up? Are they better?” With a little prompting, hopefully she’ll unshackle her vocal cords and speak up.
When it comes time to explore, start slowly — no need to install eye hooks in the ceiling and purchase chains just yet. Grab some silk scarves and gently tie her hands behind her back. Remember, don’t secure her limbs too tightly, and always check to see that her extremities aren’t numb or tingly — you don’t want poor circulation binding you up.
Fit to be tied,
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