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The Real Thing

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published August 24, 2011 at 3:32 p.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

Sometimes when I'm having sex, particularly with one-night stands or in the beginning of relationships, I'll fake orgasms. My best friends have no qualms telling me how wretched they think it is for me to fake it, but I just don't see the big deal. If I know I'm not going to get off, what's the harm in arching my back and yowling like a hyena to make the guy feel good? Just because I don't have an orgasm doesn't mean I'm not having a good time, and I feel like faking it shows him my appreciation.


Ms. McFakerson

Dear Ms. McFakerson,

You're not "wretched" for faking orgasms - you're just a little misguided. While it's nice that you want to reinforce the self-worth of every lover with a back-arching, Oscar-winning rendition of Meg Ryan's diner scene from When Harry Met Sally, you have to realize that protecting these guys is not your job. Your job, particularly in one-night-stand scenarios, is to experience pleasure. Believe me, I know orgasm is not the end-all and be-all of pleasure, but I'm concerned you've gotten so accustomed to faking it that you might not even bother to try for the real thing.

This idea that women have to fake an orgasm to keep a man's ego intact is archaic, and it's also insulting to the scads of men who would much prefer to put in the extra time and effort to please you. The next time you're tempted to fake it, try something new: Take a deep breath, think about what you need to get off, and then ask for it. There should be no rush to bring you to orgasm, and a worthwhile guy - one-night stand or otherwise - should be willing to accommodate your needs. If he's not, all the more reason not to give him satisfaction by faking it.

The real thing,