- Matthew Thorsen
- Jane O'Meara Sanders (right) and her husband
Jane O’Meara Sanders’ husband, Bernard, has received credit from Americans across the political spectrum for the work she completed as president of a private liberal arts college in Burlington.
“I think it’s really inspiring to see,” said Astroturf landscaper and part-time goggle fogger Marty Blurr. “All these folks who once said that socialism could never take root in America now seem eager to give Mrs. Sanders’ husband credit for work he himself hasn’t done. People really can change.”
Interest in Sanders’ college presidency began several years after it ended, thanks to a Charlotte lawyer who served as Vermont chair of President Donald Trump’s successful campaign to give Vladimir Putin the best birthday present ever.
Brady Toensing was clearly just trying to demonstrate his commitment to government transparency and holding elected officials accountable when he prompted a federal investigation into a land deal by Mrs. Sanders, a non-elected official working in the private sector.
It wasn’t until after news of that investigation spread that Sanders’ husband began receiving credit for her work at the college. Not surprisingly, it was a distraction from his own career of trying to dissuade Americans from voting for candidates who are apparently trying to kill them.
“I think this whole story is particularly inspiring for young women,” said volunteer librarian and book rebinder Claire Snellingburg. “It just goes to show that not only can women take up challenging careers of their own, but those careers can also serve as political fodder to try and tarnish the careers of their husbands. Consider that glass ceiling officially shattered!”
However, Snellingburg warned that the country still has a little ways to go before the equal distribution of career credit can help to eradicate sexism altogether.
“I don’t recall Melania Trump receiving any credit whatsoever when her husband founded a fraudulent university, which is really unfortunate,” she said. “For this model to truly work, we have to give all women credit for the careers of their spouses, as well.”
Despite its shortcomings, America’s most recent foray into socialism is a welcome development, according to aspiring political pundit and parking-cone collector Jake “the Quake” McQuad.
“Hopefully, universal career credit is just a precursor to universal health care," he said. "Because, right now, 23 million people potentially losing their health insurance seems a lot more important than a tiny shuttered college in Vermont.”
The Parmelee Post is a weekly series featuring tough investigative reporting on news that hasn't happened.