The Parmelee Post: Record Number of Fans Ask to Get In Free to Waking Windows | Humor | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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The Parmelee Post: Record Number of Fans Ask to Get In Free to Waking Windows

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COURTESY OF WAKINGWINDOWS.COM
  • Courtesy of wakingwindows.com
Waking Windows has hit an impressive new milestone, just days before the eighth installment of the popular music festival gets under way in downtown Winooski this weekend.

“We are proud to announce we have now reached a record-breaking number of people asking us to provide them with the opportunity to see nearly 200 performers absolutely free of charge,” Waking Windows organizers said in a press release Wednesday.

“Our once modest festival seems to grow a little bit more each year, so it’s incredibly humbling to see a record number of music fans who think they shouldn’t have to pay for an entire weekend worth of music,” the release continued.



According to Winooski statistician Chance Sizar, the numbers aren’t entirely surprising.

“186 acts for $75 is less than 50 cents an act, so you could easily forgive someone for thinking that this festival was free to begin with," he said. "One low cost for tons of music basically makes Waking Windows the Spotify of music festivals — if Spotify tried to pay musicians what they deserve.”

“I’m proud just to play my part in this massive achievement,” said occasional musician Chodie Flosser. “I played one show in Winooski a while back and DJ Disco Phantom totally deejayed in between sets, so obviously I’m gonna ask him to hook it up on the free as soon as the big festival comes around," he continued. "I’ve earned that shit.”

“Some of us actually still perform in bands regularly,” remarked Leslie Paul of local punk rock band the Bankruptcies. “Sadly, we couldn’t commit to a set at this year’s festival, but if anyone deserves to still get in free, it’s us!”

Festival organizers stated that despite the overwhelming requests for freebies, they would still have to charge for admission.

“I guess ‘the man’ won again,” said one organizer, who asked to remain anonymous after he said “the man” aloud in a sentence. “And that man wants us to charge less than 50 cents per band like a bunch of corporate sellouts.

“There is, of course, one guaranteed way to get in for free regardless of your past or current musical accomplishments,” he continued. “Simply volunteer up to five hours of your invaluable time.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll gain some tiny insight into how much work goes into making this amazing festival happen year after year?”
The Parmelee Post is an occasional series featuring tough investigative reporting on news that hasn't happened.

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