- Dreamstime | John Walters | Bryan Parmelee
- Sen. Beatrice Sanders, Sen. Patricia Leahy and Rep. Penelope Welch
The moves comes just one day after Vermont was reported to be the only U.S. state to have never sent a female representative to Congress.
“Let us be absolutely clear,” said Sen. Beatrice Sanders (I-Vt.) to a crowd of reporters. “We are not opposed to gender equality. In fact, my wife is actually female, herself.”
“What we’re really opposed to is term limits,” echoed Sen. Patricia Leahy (D-Vt.). “I win my elections fair and square, and you can pry this Senate seat from my cold dead man hands.”
“Yeah, Sen. Mitch McConnell has been in the Senate for what feels like roughly three geological periods!” exclaimed Rep. Penelope Welch (D-Vt.). “We must retain our seats to keep the other elder statesmen in check. You know damn well how long sea turtles can live!”
“Yeah, and if anyone should give up their seat, it certainly isn’t me.” said Sanders. “I’m way more famous now than both of these men combined!”
“Dude, I’ve been in like four Batmans!” rebutted Leahy.
“At least Batman also had Batgirl!" Welch chimed in. "D.C. Comics is more representative than you!”
“Oh shut up, Welchie!” retorted Leahy. “What do you even do for Vermonters, anymore?”
“I rode snowmobiles a few months ago,” Welch replied.
“Yeah, well me and my wife totally christened a naval ship,” argued Leahy.
“Shouldn’t you be busy writing another symbolic letter?” asked Welch.
“Dude, the last one actually worked!” Leahy replied.
“For Marx's sake, will the two of you shut up already?!” yelled Sanders. “Now I’ve totally forgotten why we scheduled this press conference in the first place.”
"Are you honestly gonna pretend like you don't just say the same exact thing at every presser anyway, Bern?" asked Welch.
"I'll change my tune when we finally dismantle the oligarchy in this country!" Sanders snapped. "When you have millionaires and billionaires who …"
"We know!" Welch and Leahy shouted in unison.
“Ugh, maybe they're right, you guys,” bemoaned Sanders. “Maybe old men are just a little too emotional for a career in politics.”