Dear Mistress Maeve,
I met a guy a month ago, and we hit it off. He works out of town for three weeks out of every month, so shortly after meeting we had to continue our conversation through text and emails. We were texting a lot, so much so that I thought we were almost diving into a relationship. As his homecoming neared, I fully suspected that we would be hanging out (and hopefully having sex). But as we got closer to him coming home, he wouldn’t make solid plans to see me. He said he had a lot of family stuff going on, so we didn’t hang out. Though I was disappointed, I decided to cut him some slack and continue our texting relationship while he’s been away this month. Now he’s planning another trip home, and again he doesn’t seem willing to commit to an actual date. What is he doing?!
Dear Strung Along,
Is it possible that this guy is perfectly legit and as interested in you as you are in him? Sure. Is it likely? Probably not. Chances are, he gets lonely when he’s away from friends and family, and you’re conveniently providing him with some much-needed emotional comfort — apparently with no strings attached.
It’s time to ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?” You might have an emotional connection, but is it a fulfilling one if he’s not willing to see you? I’m guessing you’re not willing to have a relationship with your cellphone, so it might be time to cut your losses and move on.
If you don’t want to let this potential relationship slip away without a fight, you can try laying your cards on the table. Tell him that while you enjoy the rapport you’re building virtually, you’re only interested in having a relationship “IRL.” Ask him if he wants to take this relationship off-line, too. If he gives you anything less than a definitive “yes,” then it’s time for you to give him a “TTYL.”
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