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Text This

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Dear Mistress Maeve,

Some help, please! I got introduced to this guy almost a month ago (we have mutual friends who invited us both to dinner), and we hit it off — or so I thought. When he asked for my number at the end of the night, I expected he would call me later in the week and ask me out. No such luck.

Ever since that night, he’s been texting me randomly, asking things like, “How’s your day?” and sharing random thoughts: “I wish the weather was better so I could play Ultimate frisbee!” I politely text him back, but I’m starting to get really pissed that he’s not asking me out. I don’t need a text pen pal; I need a boyfriend. I would chalk this up to him being a social moron, but he’s actually not the first guy to play this texting game with me. Should I ask him out? Or is he even worth it?


Text This

Dear Text This,

With all the technology available to us, asking someone out should be a simple text or instant message away. “Can I take you out to dinner Friday night?” is way less than 140 characters. Sadly, it’s easier to “like” this or “retweet” that than it is to get up the gumption to ask for a date.

Back in the day, my mother’s family was the last on the block to get a telephone (you know, one of those contraptions that plugged into the wall and had a dial tone). Before she got the phone, suitors had to exhibit some energy to ask her out. One young man would actually call the neighbor’s house and have someone run next door to see if my mother could join him at the movies. The point is, without technology, dating has to be active. With texting, tweeting, Facebooking and instant messaging, dating has become more passive. We’re so accustomed to interacting with someone on a screen that we have no idea how to mingle in real life.

Unfortunately, if this guy hasn’t asked you out yet, he might be a dud. Either suggest he meet up with you for coffee, or simply ignore his texts — at this point, you have nothing to lose. In the future, when you give someone your number, say something like “I don’t text, so you’ll have to give me a call.” You may sound like a neophyte, but it’s better than sitting home on a Saturday night, texting.