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Speaking Up

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

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Dear Mistress,

I am outgoing and open in many aspects of my life, but when it comes to talking about sex, I always become too shy and have trouble expressing or vocalizing what I want from a partner. I am open to trying just about anything, and I love dirty talk and being dominated. Even though I know this about myself, I still find that I don’t know how to express it. What’s up with my vocal “shrinkage” as soon as I am asked what I want?

Signed,

Speechless

Dear Speechless,

Even for outgoing people, speaking up in the bedroom can be intimidating. To get things purring when the cat’s got your tongue, try being honest. Sounds like you’re fortunate enough to have partners who ask you what you want. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I have fantasies I’d like to share, but I feel a little bashful.” Some patient coaxing from an interested partner will go a long way to combat your vocal “shrinkage.”

That said, if you still have a hard time vocalizing, let’s not forget about other modes of communication available today. If you want to get the ball rolling down a specific sexy pathway, why not send an email? Sending a link to your favorite piece of erotica is sure to start a dialog. Or, if you know your partner shares your interest in dominance, why not send a link to a new blindfold or pair of furry handcuffs you’d like to try? And don’t discount the power of a well-timed text message. You may not be able to perform a monologue about sex right now, but you should be able to craft a brief, suggestive text. Fill in the blanks: “Hey, sexy. I’ve been fantasizing about you putting _______ in my _______. Think we can try that tonight?” The answer to this question, whatever the blanks are, is likely to be positive and spark the sexy conversation you’re yearning for.

Like any daunting task, fear of the unknown is usually the worst part — once we take the first step, we generally see that it’s not so bad. So, get talking! Sure, you may stammer and stutter in the beginning — but don’t let that stop you. The more you assert yourself and ask for your desires to be fulfilled, the better your sex life will become.

Vocally yours,

mm

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