Dear Mistress Maeve,
I will be tying the knot later this year to a man I am head over heels in love with; however, he just isn't that adventurous sexually. I have never in my life cheated, but I just thought I'd be more experienced by the time I would wed. I want to make love on a plane, have a threesome, even try with a woman - all things I know won't be possible with my mundane partner. The question is, do I secretly explore before I take my vows and after give myself to married life with no regrets, or stay faithful yet unstimulated by the love of my life?
Dear Something Blue,
You better be "tying the knot" in your running shoes, because I am gravely concerned that you're not ready for this commitment. For some people - and it sounds like you're one of them - sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. It astounds me that people will get hitched without making absolutely certain they're compatible sexually, just as they make sure they're compatible in terms of religion, plans for children, life goals, etc.
You outline only two options: sow your wild oats, or fasten your chastity belt and get ready for a long, boring ride. I'd like to offer a third option: Communicate with your future husband. Rather than being confrontational, approach the subject as though you're on the same team - express interest in spicing it up, and be prepared with some ideas for immediate action (watching porn together or trying a sex toy might be good places to start). If he balks, let him know how important sex is to you and demand you see a counselor together to work out this important marital issue.
I know it's daunting, but you must talk to him. You may be vastly underestimating your partner - with a little honest communication, you could be head over heels with your heels over your head.