Should My Girlfriend Tell Me She's Having Her Period Before We Have Sex? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Should My Girlfriend Tell Me She's Having Her Period Before We Have Sex?


Dear Athena,

I was eating out my girlfriend the other night, and then we started having sex. After we finished, we noticed she had her period. I don't care about the mess or that we had sex, really, but I was kind of grossed out and pissed she didn't tell me before I went down on her. While I was doing it, I noticed it felt and tasted a little different, but it was dark and I was just trying to enjoy myself. Should she have told me she had her period first? Should I tell her what I thought about it? I have been sort of turned off by her since, and she probably knows something is up.


Meditating on Menstruation

Dear Meditating,

It sucks that you're feeling turned off. I don't think it's a big deal to have sex while your gal is on her period, but it comes down to personal preference — and your preference is important.

Do I think she was obligated to tell you? That's a tough question. Other than the importance of safety and honesty, there are no hard-and-fast rules in relationships or between sex partners. Have you had sex during her period before? If so, maybe she just assumed this wouldn't be a big deal. Or maybe she thought her period was over — that happens sometimes. You think your monthly visitor has left the building, and then the next it's knocking on your door again.

That said, this woman is your girlfriend, and being open and direct is crucial to having a good relationship and good sex. I think you should probably tell her — kindly — that you'd appreciate a heads up about her period before you head south again. She may be a bit embarrassed, but I'm sure she'll understand. If you don't bring it up, you may never perform oral sex again, and that would be a damn shame. Nobody wants that.