Should I Give My Boyfriend a Deadline to Propose? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Should I Give My Boyfriend a Deadline to Propose?


Published February 12, 2020 at 10:00 a.m.


Dear Reverend,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for six years. I think we should get married, but anytime I bring it up, he changes the subject. How can I get him to commit? Should I give him a deadline to propose, or else we're through?

Chomping at the Bridal (woman, 28)

Dear Chomping at the Bridal, 

My short answer is: absolutely not. No magnificent marriage story has ever included the bride saying, "I told him it was time to shit or get off the pot." Although that may be humorous, forcing someone's hand in a marriage proposal is decidedly unromantic.

The two of you have been together long enough that you should be able to talk about anything. Let him know you want to have a serious conversation, then set a time to do it. Be honest about why marriage is important to you. Find out how he feels about it. Is he against the concept as a whole, or is he just not ready to jump the broom quite yet?

If you truly love each other, a piece of paper and a couple of rings aren't going to make much of a difference, aside from some legalities. (Read this week's story about "forever engagements" for more on this.) However, if you're willing to scrap the whole relationship based on this one thing, maybe it's time to reconsider why you're with him in the first place.

It's 2020, honey. Waiting around for a man to propose is so last century. If you really want to marry him, how 'bout you be the one to do the asking? If he says no, you can decide if it's time to cut bait. If he says yes ... I'm available for officiating.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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Speaking of Relationships. Marriage, engagement