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She's Gonna Blow!

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Dear Mistress,

Twenty-three-year-old woman here with a question. My partner recently asked me: “How do you feel about blow jobs?” That got me thinking. All of my partners have been able to drive me crazy with their oral skills, plus they seem to really enjoy doing it. My problem is this: Giving blow jobs doesn’t excite me. I don’t mind doing it, but I want to actually like it. I’ve been told I’m really good at it, but I want to match my partner’s enthusiasm for oral. Any tips?


This Blows

Dear This Blows,

Kudos to you for wanting to elevate your excitement for oral. As long as giving head is something you actually want to do, not something you feel obligated to do, I’m here to help. (Remember: You are never obligated to perform any sex act you’re not into.)

You say that your blow jobs get rave reviews. Added enthusiasm will only heighten the pleasure for both you and your partner. Some women go about giving a blow job like they’re reluctantly completing a household chore — which is boring and totally unsexy for everyone involved. That said, some women give head like they’re competing for gold in the Olympics — like they can’t get enough, like they crave it. Why do some women go ga-ga for giving? For some, pleasing another is the ultimate pleasure. Especially if they see themselves as natural caregivers, they might find taking care of their partners exceedingly erotic. For others, the dominance-submission dynamic of giving head is a total turn-on — servicing a partner can be highly titillating.

You need to discover what works for you about blow jobs. Start by reading some erotic lit to get your juices flowing. If you’re open with friends about sex, ask some trusted girlfriends what they think about oral. If you ultimately find blow jobs to be a bit boring, it’s easy to spice things up: Turn a one-way street into a sexy superhighway by trying the 69 position. Perhaps some stimulation will make you more eager to please. Add more excitement with light bondage — tying him up might free your inner oral queen. Or, satisfy your sweet tooth with a little whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Cliché? Maybe. Delicious? Definitely.

Above all, have fun! Sex — particularly oral sex — is all about pleasure, whether you’re giving or receiving.

Bottoms up,


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