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Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Dear Mistress,

I went through a bad breakup recently — the heart-ripped-out-of-chest type of breakup that left me raw and totally distraught. One of my coping mechanisms was to fly an old lover to Vermont for a week to “cheer me up.” She and I spent a glorious week fucking and not giving a damn about the rest of the world. It really helped, and I will be forever grateful for her presence. One of our activities included a trip to the sex shop where I spent way too much dough on vibrators and dildos. Now I’m dating again, and I have a query: Will women be willing to use these toys I bought and used on my ex lover, or should these toys go straight into the trash? Personally, I don’t see the big deal, but a female friend told me I was crazy if I thought any other woman would be okay using these toys.



Dear Toymaker,

Sorry to hear about the breakup but glad you found ways to cope. For some people it takes copious amounts of chocolate and a friend’s shoulder to cry on — you obviously took a more “hands-on” approach to healing your heartache.

As for your newly acquired toys, it depends on the woman. Some ladies won’t bat an eyelash about using a well-cleaned recycled sex toy, while some women will consider it the ultimate insult. You might even find some women who are picky about what type of sex toys they’ll consider reusing — low-priced vibrators made out of cheap plastic might be a no-go, while luxury toys made of surgical-grade stainless steel or easy-to-boil silicone might be a-OK.

If you purchased higher-end, non-porous sex aides that can be easily cleaned, don’t throw them away just yet. When the time comes to introduce toys into a new relationship, tread lightly — let your lady know that while you understand she might not be OK with it, you have “gently used” toys that have been painstakingly cleaned. Read her reaction. If she balks even slightly, suck it up and make another trip to the sex shop. And remember, these financial investments in your pleasure generally yield a high rate of return, no matter how short lived.