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Ragtime Gal

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published October 31, 2012 at 11:46 a.m.

Dear Mistress,

I have a question about sex and my period. I am a single, sexually active, thirtysomething woman, often juggling two casual partners at once (I like to keep things interesting). Inevitably, one of the guys I’m sleeping with will proposition me when I have my period. If the proposition comes via text message, it’s easy to just say “I’m busy tonight, let’s meet up next weekend.” However, if I’m out with the guy, it’s more difficult to rebuff his advances without giving him a concrete reason — and this is where I get awkward. Do I tell him that I’m on the rag? That just seems crude! But I’m worried that if I just give him a brush-off answer — I have to wake up earlier, I’m tired, etc. — he’ll think I’m not into him. Further, I’ve had guys say, “I don’t care, we can still do it.” I’m like, What?! These guys are not my boyfriends, and sex on my period seems too intimate. What do you think?


Ragtime Gal

Dear Ragtime,

What do I think? I think it’s all about what you think. If sex while Aunt Flo’s in town feels too intimate, don’t do it. Period sex can be messy, leaving you feeling vulnerable and forcing an intimacy that you’re not seeking in these casual relationships. That said, if you can shed the vulnerability with a guy who’s into it, period sex can be extremely satisfying. Many women report being at their horniest during menstruation, and orgasms are said to alleviate cramps — sure beats poppin’ ibuprofen. Just be sure to lay a dark towel down and have some wet wipes close by.

As for communicating your cycle, I’ve always been a fan of being blunt. If saying, “I’m on the rag” feels too brazen, try a simple, “It’s not a good time of the month” — which will surely get your point across. At the same time, keep in mind that you don’t have to give a good reason why you don’t want to have sex. Regardless of how many times you’ve slept with a guy in the past, you’re never obligated to put out.

Spread your wings,