Dear Mistress Maeve,
I have a friend who I've known for almost five years. I love him to death, and he loves me, too, but he has a girlfriend. Before the girlfriend came along, we had a "friends with benefits" thing going on. We almost dated, but then the girlfriend arrived on the scene. He loves her very much, and I can see that he is happy with her - but he still continues to see me for "friendly benefits."
I feel torn. Should I keep this up? What is the nicest way to say, "Choose between me and your girlfriend"?
The Other Girl
Dear Other Girl,
I find it curious that you call it "friends with benefits" when he is the only one benefiting from your arrangement. You could draw a healthy boundary and say, "This relationship isn't working for me; I need you to choose between me and your girlfriend once and for all." But this guy is a cheater - do you really want him? Do you really think he can transform from a selfish user into the man of your dreams?
One of my New Year's resolutions is to participate only in relationships and activities that make me feel good. Take a step back and ask yourself, "Is this relationship lifting me up or bringing me down?" My guess is that you know he's causing you more harm than good. You have encouraged a scenario where he is having his cake and eating it, too - and it's very difficult to recover from that sugar binge.
Resolve to feel good about yourself in 2009. The sooner this guy is out of the picture, the sooner you'll go from "Other Girl" to "Only Girl" with someone much more worthy of your love.