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Prepared (Hoping?) for Disaster


Published October 29, 2007 at 7:23 a.m.

Sometimes I wonder how on earth my name ended up on a given
mailing list. One such head-scratcher occurred on Saturday when I received a newsletter from the Survival Food Store.

The missive reads: "Be prepaired [sic] when you need it the most, The Survival Food Store now offers long term storage food for times of emergency.  Stock up now and be ready when man made or natural disasters strike."

Their specials include the "survival kits" such as the "Castaway Pack" and the "Hurricane Pack." What's the diff? "Castaway" includes enough food to feed a family of 4 for 21 days, and costs $339.95. "Hurricane," at a modest $169.95, will last the same number of people for 10 days. Now,  my first instinct is that I could keep four people alive that long on less, but would life be worth living without  seven-pound cans of butterscotch and vanilla pudding? Probably not.

"A step up from our Earthquake Pack,the Hurricane Pack is for the slightly more cautious family andpotentially more devastating natural disaster. It includes all themeat, cheese, bread, eggs, milk, and even pudding to keep everyoneeating normal [sic] in a possibly surreal and alarming time that could lastfor over a week. It will also more than cover the nessecities [sic] of eatingshould your family decide to stay on that middle-of-nowhere vacationfor another week."

If I had to spend my vacation eating fortified turkey chunks and processed cheese from a can, I'd be begging my boss to let me come back to work. And here's a logistical question, once I've opened a six-pound can of apple filling, must my stranded family eat the whole thing at once, because hypothetically, we have no refrigeration?

Anyway, if you're in the market for 6, 10-pound cans of freeze-dried cottage cheese or a whey-based milk alternative that "tastes just like real milk," this is the site to visit.

My personal fave: The "Armageddon Pack," advertised with a friendly graphic of a falling bomb.