Partners of My Platonic Friends Are Jealous of Me | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Partners of My Platonic Friends Are Jealous of Me


Published June 15, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.

  • ID 10858256 © Zitramon | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

In my 50-plus years, I have had many male friends. Sometimes things turn romantic, sometimes not. Lately, it seems the ones that are completely platonic have girlfriends who are jealous and insecure. I have received emails basically saying, "Stay away from my boyfriend." I have done nothing wrong, and I treasure these friendships. I don't want to sneak around and see my friends in secret. How do I deal with these negative women?

Bosom Buddy (Female, 52)

Dear Bosom Buddy,

Jealousy is one of my least favorite emotions. Whether you're feeling it or are the cause of it for someone else, nothing good ever comes of it. What's worse is that it's often unfounded and hard to get past.

The fact that you've inspired such jealousy more than once makes me wonder whether you don't realize you're doing something causing these women to be concerned, but I'll take your word for it. If everyone involved is around your age, perhaps this is happening because the dating pool gets shallower as we age and these women are being overly protective of their catch. I know it's hard, but try to see the situation from their point of view. A little empathy goes a long way in solving any problem.

Sneaking around with your male friends is the absolute wrong way to go. If a girlfriend found out about that, there would be a whole heap of trouble. You should do just the opposite and put your platonic friendship on display. Have you tried hanging out with any of your guy friends and their ladies? Invite them to a soirée at your house or go out on the town together. Make a real effort to show the women that you aren't a threat.

There's no law that says you have to like your buddies' partners, but who knows? Maybe you'll wind up making more friends, and that's never a bad thing.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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