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Part of the Herd

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

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Dear Mistress,

I met a guy online, and he seems really cool. We exchanged a few emails, and he asked me out. I was excited until I received his latest note. He picked a bar I would normally consider a great date choice, but then he wrote, “I like to take my first dates there.” A comment like that makes me feel like I’m just one in a long line of first dates. In an ideal world, a guy would choose a place that he thought I might like based upon our correspondence, but he’s obviously not willing to put in that much effort. I’m so miffed about it that not only am I writing to you for advice, but I’m also considering canceling the date. What do you think?

Signed,

Part of the Herd

Dear P.O.T.H.,

Unfortunately, it can be hard to keep your head above water in the dating pool, and it sounds like your guy is in danger of drowning. If he’s been in the online dating scene for a while, he probably feels like the Grand Marshal of the Lackluster Date Parade, and he’s become lazy and formulaic when it comes to planning his dates. If meeting all of his potential mates at the same bar is a matter of convenience for him (perhaps the spot is close to where he works), that’s fine. But he never should have told you that — tacky!

You could cancel the date, but since you found him interesting enough to want to meet, I don’t think you should ditch him just yet. Instead of meeting him at his go-to spot, I suggest you throw a wrench into his usual first-date plans. Write him back and suggest that you meet someplace else. You can even say something like, “Wow, sounds like you go to that bar a lot! Why don’t we try something new?” Be thoughtful with your ideas: If he likes beer, suggest you meet up at a local brewery to try the new spring concoction; if he likes golf, entice him to join you at the driving range. If he’s willing to change up his routine and meet you on your terms, he might be a keeper. If not, it might be time to move on to a guy who has a little more tact.

Uniquely yours,

mm

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