Dear Mistress Maeve,
So, I hooked up with a guy I’ve known for a while through friends. Sometime between stripping our clothes off and him giving me an orgasm (which was awesome!), he mentioned that he sometimes takes a long time to get off. He wasn’t kidding. We started having sex, and he just kept going … and going, and going, and going. I tried to tough it out, but my body was tired and sore. I tried to please him orally and with my hand, but after about 20 minutes of that, he asked me to stop. He insisted that everything was fine and that I didn’t do anything “wrong” — but I still have no idea why he didn’t orgasm. I’ve never been with a guy who didn’t finish, and I was feeling inadequate. So, I ended up not spending the night, and now I’m worried I ruined it — or that he thinks I’m weird or bad in bed.
Dear No Go,
News flash: Having an orgasm is not the be-all and end-all of sexual pleasure. This guy was thoughtful enough to tell you up front that it sometimes takes him a while to reach the finish line, and he most likely asked you to stop with the hand and oral action because he was feeling guilty for making you work so hard — not because he wasn’t enjoying your attention. It sounds like he was so preoccupied with getting off in a timely fashion that his anxiety sabotaged his orgasm.
Listen, you were the one who bailed from his bed in a fit of awkward weirdness; therefore, if you want to continue seeing him, you should give him a call or text. He may be feeling like the awkward one, so keep the correspondence light. Tell him you’d like to hang out again when he has the time. If the subject comes up again, remind him about the story of the Tortoise and the Hare — slow and steady wins the race.