I am in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful woman. We’ve been together for three and a half years, and we were really good friends for many years before that. We share many values and ideas about life, we work and live well together, we enjoy spending time together doing lots of different things, and we’re both still very much physically attracted to each other.
We’re pretty sure we want to be together for many, many years, but I have one reservation: neither of us has ever been in a relationship with — or slept with, or even kissed — another person. Is it important to have multiple sexual/relationship experiences (to give you something to judge your current, wonderful relationship by, or just so you know what other people are like) before you settle down with one person? Or is it a dumb idea to jeopardize a wonderful relationship just because you think you ought to sleep with other people?
Dear No Comparison,
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
No matter how much sexual experience two people have had, physical attraction waxes and wanes throughout the life of a relationship. You and your partner will have periods of time when you can’t keep your hands off of one another, and other times when you can’t get far enough away — it’s par for the course and has nothing to do with previous sexual activity (or lack thereof). In the grand scheme of things, you’re not unique; you still have to do what we promiscuous-turned-monogamous folks have to do — be open and honest with your partner, ask her for what you desire, and do your best to fulfill her fantasies. Your sexual predilections are sure to change over time, but if you both commit to honoring those changes, you have as much of a shot at staying together as the rest of us sluts.
That said, maybe don’t rush into things. Remember, you can be together for many, many years without making traditional commitments of marriage or homeownership, both endeavors that legally bind you to one another. You know... just in case you can’t live without tasting someone else’s forbidden fruit.
Your one and only,