My Relationship Is Dead and I Want Someone I Can't Have | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My Relationship Is Dead and I Want Someone I Can't Have


Published March 18, 2015 at 10:00 a.m.

Dear Athena,

I am in a basically dead relationship with my boyfriend. I am also totally completely smitten with someone I absolutely cannot have. I can't tell anyone. My boyfriend knows something is wrong and is getting mad at me for not sharing. I'm trying to keep my mind off my crush, but I'm driven to distraction. Any help would be appreciated.


Smitten With Someone Other Than My Man

Dear Smitten,

I'm not sure what you need me for — you've said it all yourself. Are you waiting for a "blessing"? OK, I officially declare your relationship deceased. Start saying your good-byes.

Maybe that seems pretty cut and dried, but there's not much else to address. You're smitten with someone else? Therein lies your answer. It's one thing to think the barista at the local café is a cutie, but it's absolutely unfair to stay with your boyfriend if you're seriously interested in anyone other than him — regardless of the other person's availability.

How would you feel if your boyfriend had the hots for some other chick and was just biding his time with you? Pretty shitty, right? So do the poor guy a favor and end it.

It's up to you whether you tell him you have feelings for someone else. But I wouldn't. Why add salt to the wound? Just say your feelings have changed. You've changed. That's the truth. If you still cared for him the way you used to, you wouldn't be head over heels for someone else.

You say the other person is unattainable. But things change. You're unavailable, too, at the moment. End it with your current boyfriend before setting your sights on someone else. If you are newly single and still interested and your crush is still out of reach, take some solo time before you start trolling for your next relationship. Give yourself a chance to reflect on what you really want. By the sound of it, you need a break to clear your head and heart.