My Mom Has Started Dating After My Dad's Recent Death | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My Mom Has Started Dating After My Dad's Recent Death


Published September 21, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated September 21, 2022 at 10:21 a.m.

  • © Pavel Kudryavtsev | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

My father passed away in January. My mother has already gotten involved in a relationship with a man who was good friends with both of my parents. My siblings and I think it's too soon and she hasn't taken enough time to grieve our dad. How do we approach the subject with her?

Miss Ingdad, (female, 39)

Dear Miss Ingdad,

Popular belief says a person who has lost a spouse should wait at least a year before starting to date again. But popular belief doesn't always translate well to real life.

Everyone grieves differently, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. There is also no timeline that one must adhere to. I don't know how your father died, but if he was ill for a while, perhaps your mom started grieving his loss even before he passed.

I know it must be strange to see your mother with a new person, but the most important thing is that she is happy. I'm sure she still loves and misses your dad, but life keeps moving and she's found a way to roll with it. Your father wouldn't want her to be sad forever, so you and your siblings shouldn't, either.

The man she's seeing was already a friend, so they had a good head start on the relationship. Your father liked him, too, so if you trusted his judgment, rest assured that the new guy isn't a jerk.

It's fine to talk to your mother about what's happening, but try not to let your feelings override the conversation. Keep in mind that finding love once in a lifetime is magical. Finding it a second time, especially later in life, is close to a miracle, and it should be celebrated.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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