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Scarlett Letters: My Boyfriend Sucks at Oral

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Dear Scarlett,

My current boyfriend claims that he loves to go down on me, and tries to often, but most of time I don't feel amazing or super good, and I have never come, even though I love clitoral stimulation. I've tried to talk to him, and maybe I didn't say the right things. He's the only person who has ever gone down on me before, so I can't tell if he just sucks at oral or if I was expecting too much?

Signed,

Confused(female, 18)

Dear Confused,

Kudos to your man for enthusiastically trying to please you. It sounds like he doesn't suck at being a good boyfriend.

This may be a case of you expecting too much and him not stimulating you in the best way. So first off, relax! A lot of women don't climax from oral because they do not allow themselves to. They feel disconnected or think they're obliged to come. When orgasm doesn't happen, feelings of disappointment and inadequacy set in. Some women just fake it and go unsatisfied.

Instead of chasing the big "O," try to figure out what does and doesn't feel good. Masturbate to get a sense of where and how you like to be touched, then have him do it with his fingers. Once you two get that down, he can try with his mouth.

You might also ask him to vary the movement of his tongue — like flicking it back and forth across your clitoris or using the tip to trace figure eights. He can start by teasing you down there, then add pressure.

Stimulating other parts of your body can help. Ask him to caress your nipples while he's at it, or finger your behind, if you like that. Penetration can help, too. Try having him lick your clitoris while entering your vagina with his fingers or a sex toy, such as a dildo or vibrator.

Finally, don't worry about doing or saying the right things. Ask for whatever feels sexy and good, and allow yourself to fantasize. Pretty soon, you might find oral sex is lip-smackin' good.

Love,

Scarlett

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