My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Sometimes he goes away for a month here or there, usually to visit his sister. Since he's been away, I started liking the thought of having my space and routine back. I do a lot of things that I don't do when he's here. I'm really enjoying myself. The thought of him coming back irks me. I'm starting to think about other men.
He's a wonderful man who gives me space and freedom and never doubts me. He does a lot of things for me. But since he's been away, I've realized he's bossy and sexist. He's dependent on sleeping pills and sleeps in until 11 or noon the next day.
He's also impotent. He got Viagra and we planned a night away, which wasn't at all how I had hoped it would be. He had to have a few drinks, then, when it started to happen, he wouldn't touch me down there at all. He just let me go down on him, and he put it in me, and it was over in 10 minutes. When I said we should try again in a little while, he was shocked and said that should be it. When I brought up the subject about why he doesn't reciprocate, he said he doesn't like it — never did. That it's a woman's job to go down on a man. Then he said that I'm never happy and that I ruined the evening.
I'm not sure what to do. A few weeks ago, he told me he loved me. Then, a few weeks after, I asked why he doesn't say he loves me anymore. He blurted out, "Because I don't." I wish I could find someone who isn't afraid to be with me, to touch me and to hold me. I don't know what to do.
Dear Miss B,
Good news! If you want to find that special someone who will hold you, love you and, say it — someone who will treat you with respect — you can! You just need to lose this bozo first.
Are you hesitating because you're afraid you won't meet someone better? That's bananas. I promise you: Being with a misogynist who treats you poorly, doesn't attempt to get you off in any way, may have a substance-abuse problem and has clearly stated that he doesn't love you is not better than being alone.
What's so terrible about being single, anyway? Imagine the possibilities out there! You're already having more fun when he's gone. All the time you're wasting on this fool could be yours again. You could spend it meeting new people — better people — and enjoying your old routines and hobbies again.
You deserve that. Cut your losses. Get outta there.