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Ask Athena: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me to Masturbate During Sex

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Dear Athena,

My boyfriend doesn't want me to masturbate while we are having sex because he says it makes him feel like he's not doing a good job. But it feels good. How do I get him to be OK with it?

Signed,

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun With Themselves

Dear Girls,

Damn straight you wanna have some fun with yourself! Props to you for knowing what makes you feel good and for seizing that moment in the sheets so you can get the job done.

However, I can see why your guy might feel like you're not communicating your needs to him. Are you masturbating because he isn't reaching your sweet spot? If that's the case, play around with different positions to find one that works for you, too. If you don't add variety to your sexy-time choreography, you're likely to grow bored and struggle to get off.

Getting on top offers you a little more control and power. That can be intimidating, but I urge you to find your inner cowgirl and go for it! Forget what you've seen in movies or in porn, where the girl is bouncing away at top speed and slamming her body down on her mate. Instead of a bounce, move at a nice, slow grind. You can even lay your body against his if sitting above him feels too exposed. Encourage him to hold onto your hips and initiate some movement, too, so he feels involved. Vary your angles for optimal feel-good discoveries. Work together to explore what feels best for both of you.

But perhaps you're masturbating because it just feels good! Sex is a shared experience, but that doesn't mean you can't take your pleasure into your own hands — literally. Explain this to him. Reassure him that he's doing everything right, but point out that every body is unique and there's no one move or position to fit all scenarios. Both parties are in it for the same mutual goal of joy and pleasure. Your boyfriend should be psyched that he's with someone who knows how to handle herself and improve on the lovemaking.

Help him get it, so that you can get it on.

Yours,

Athena