My 19-Year-Old Son Got Married Without Telling Me | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My 19-Year-Old Son Got Married Without Telling Me

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Published December 29, 2021 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated December 29, 2021 at 2:18 p.m.


© ALEXPODOLIYKH | DREAMSTIME
  • © Alexpodoliykh | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

My 19-year-old son came home from college for the holidays. The first thing he told me was that he got married to one of his friends whom I don't even know. Apparently, they did it to get some financial benefits. This makes me very sad, because I've been married for 20 years and I consider it to be a sacred institution. I'm heartbroken that he would treat it like a frivolous arrangement that doesn't really mean anything. I'm also very upset that he didn't talk to me about it before doing it.

Matrimommy (female, 44)

Dear Matrimommy,

Your son is an adult, and if he's legally married, there's nothing much you can do about it now. It's a bummer that he didn't talk to you ahead of time, but I have a feeling that he probably knew you wouldn't approve.

Platonic marriage, without romantic or sexual attachment, has been talked about a lot lately, but it's nothing new. Marriage started out as more of a transactional arrangement between families. These unions have been around for centuries; all the lovey-dovey trappings are fairly contemporary. Dowries and arranged marriages still exist in some places today.

People have been getting married for all kinds of reasons forever. If this arrangement works out to the benefit of your son and his friend, and they're both happy about it, then there's no real problem. If, in the future, he meets someone he wants to marry for love, hopefully he can get out of this one easily enough.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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