Mouse Wars | News | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Published May 27, 2008 at 2:30 p.m.

Episode I: The Rodent Menace

    Roughly a week ago, Seven Days office manager and Solid State blogger Bridget Burns gave me some homemade cookies to take home to my new apartment in downtown Burlington. When I got home, I left   the cookies on top of my fridge, forgetting to put them away before I went to sleep.
    When I awoke, the napkin I wrapped the cookies in was on the kitchen floor and upon further examination, one cookie was missing. No crumbs, remnants or shreds of cookie were found.
    “Oh, no,” I thought, “I’ve been sleep-eating. This is not good”
    Later that day, I discovered the cookie on the side of my stove. Only, this was no ordinary cookie.
    The center of the baked delight was gnawed out by little teeth.
    “Oh crap. I have a mouse.”
    I began hunting to avenge the cookie, armed with old school mousetraps and extra chunky peanut butter.

Episode II: Attack of the Traps

    Mouse traps are supposed to trap mice, right?
    Well, it seems as if I am dealing with a Mighty Mouse of sorts. After baiting two traps placing them around my stove, I found one flipped over on the ground.
    No peanut butter. No mouse.
    I checked the other trap. No peanut butter, yet still set. Ugh.
  After much reflection and thought about how I was outwitted by Stuart Little, I drew some inspiration from my favorite TV show.
    In the eighth episode of season one of the CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother," Lily and Marshall, a newly engaged couple played by Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segel, discover a frightening creature lurking in their apartment. After a brief argument about whether the creature is a mouse or a cockroach, the two decide to establish that the shrewd annoyance is a cockamouse, a hybrid of both species.
    Much like Lily and Marshall, I now find myself battling a super rodent that eludes even the most resourceful of people. I am dealing with a cockamouse of sorts — a nuisance that is stealing my peanut butter and sanity. Blast!

Cockamouse – 1
Jon – 0

To be continued…