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Minor Explosion

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Dear Mistress Maeve,

How can I increase the volume of my ejaculate?


Minor Explosion

Dear Minor Explosion,

The question should be “Why do I care about the volume of my ejaculate?”

Much like women who buy into cultural messages about being thin, having big boobs and getting Jennifer Aniston’s current hairdo, some men have fallen victim to what I like to call the “Porn Star Effect.” Men who are paid to ejaculate on film tend to release a large load of sperm with the consistency and color of vanilla pudding, making men who release semen in smaller amounts with a thinner consistency feel inferior. In reality, the color and consistency of spooge is not directly related to its potency — so why do you care?

You can find pills on the Internet that claim to give you voluminous ejaculate and skyrocketing orgasms, but these products are mostly just vitamin supplements chock-full of antioxidants. If you want a healthy sex life, start with a healthy lifestyle — eat well, exercise and listen to your body. You don’t need specialized pills for that. And, if you want to impress your partner with an oversized load, avoid getting off a couple of days before the big performance; this will replenish your semen reservoir and contribute to a more explosive release.

If you’re concerned about the ejaculate you’re producing as it relates to your reproductive health, go see your doctor. In fact, if you have any concerns about your sexual function, consult a professional. However, if you’re preoccupied only with achieving the “Porn Star Effect”, forget about it — there are bigger issues in the world with which to trouble yourself.

Big or small, I like them all,