Dear Mistress,

I am woman in my thirties, and while I mostly date men now, I identified as a lesbian during my high school and college years. For most of my twenties, I dated men, but I slept with this one woman from time to time. I don’t know what it is about her, but I can’t keep my hands off of her when we’re in the same room. I don’t regularly fantasize about having sex with women, but will occasionally think of her while masturbating.

I’m totally fine with my sexuality; I’m not confused about my attraction to this woman. The reason I’m writing is because I haven’t seen her in more than four years because she’s been living elsewhere. I recently heard from her, and she’s coming back to town for a visit and wants to meet up. I want to see her, but I am feeling a high level of anxiety about sleeping with her. I haven’t had sex with another woman since I last saw her, and I feel really out of practice with the ladies. I’m afraid my anxiety will result in me backing out of seeing her, and I don’t want that. Any tips?

Signed,

Lez Try This Again

Dear L.T.T.A.,

Here’s a tip: relax. I’m not going to tell you that making love to a woman is like riding a bike — because it’s more like riding a unicycle while balancing spinning plates with your hands — but you’ll do just fine once you’re back in the saddle.

Don’t talk yourself out of a satisfying interlude just because you’ve got a case of the butterflies. Keep in mind that she hasn’t slept with you in four years, either, and she might be just as nervous as you are.

My advice is to meet for a drink or dinner and feel out the situation. If the sexual tension is still there, your mojo will likely kick into gear and steer you in the right direction (the direction of your bed, that is). And don’t be afraid to communicate with her. During the making-out and heavy-petting phase of the evening, ask her what she wants you to do to her — then be sure to follow through.

Lady love,

MM