Keep It Clean | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

Arts + Life » Mistress Maeve

Keep It Clean

Mistress Maeve


Published April 26, 2009 at 3:34 a.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I recently had a horribly embarrassing experience with anal sex. I'll spare you the gory details - let's just say, if cleanliness is next to godliness, I was dancing with the devil.

I know anal sex can get messy, but you must have some tips for avoiding unwelcome messes?


Mrs. Clean


Dear Mrs. Clean,

If you're going to do anal, you have to be prepared to get your hands dirty - but perhaps not literally.

Before anal play, have a bowel movement. Feces collect in the colon and only enter the rectum shortly before you feel the urge to go; so, as long as you have a movement before sex, you're most likely in the clear. For added cleanliness, take a shower and gently insert a soapy finger into your rectum and rinse completely - I suggest using a mild, organic soap on your most delicate of parts.

A good BM and a shower should do the trick, but if you still have that not-so-fresh feeling, you can opt for an enema of lukewarm water. If you're looking for something less invasive, try a few squirts of warm water from an ear syringe to clear the way.

And, as always, keep a container of baby wipes by the bed for those unwelcome messes, because you know what they say - "it" happens.

Squeaky clean,