Is There a Market for Someone Who Doesn't Want Sex? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Is There a Market for Someone Who Doesn't Want Sex?

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DREAMSTIME
  • Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I plan on divorcing my husband in two years when my youngest is 18. I haven't had sex in more than 10 years and don't know if I ever want to again. I miss intimacy — the hugging and knowing someone has your back — but I don't miss the real physical stuff. I am just not horny. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but I don't know if dating is an option, as I cannot offer the thing that men want: sex. Is there a market for someone like me?

Lolo Libido (female, 53)

Dear Lolo Libido,

You've been in a sexless (and seemingly loveless) marriage for more than a decade? No wonder you're not horny.

First off, I don't think you're being fair to men as a whole. Not all of them just want sex — especially when they're a little older and wiser. There are plenty of fellas out there looking for a solid, loving relationship. Could your feelings have something to do with the dysfunction of your current situation? That old stereotype is some baggage you ought to get rid of, along with your soon-to-be ex.

I'm sure you have reasons — aside from your child — for not breaking it off with your husband sooner, but it seems obvious that you've been with the wrong person for far too long. When you're single again and you find someone you're interested in, you might just change your tune.

When you meet a guy, be honest with him up front. Let him know that you've just ended a long-term relationship and want to take things slow. That's an easy way to weed out anyone who may only be after a roll in the hay.

If you do find that you're genuinely not interested in sex anymore, there are a number of websites that cater to like-minded individuals, such as asexuality.org and asexualcupid.com.

Whatever you decide, just keep in mind these wise words from R&B artist Jermaine Stewart: "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time."

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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