Is It Desperate to Look for Love Online? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Is It Desperate to Look for Love Online?

Ask Athena


Published February 5, 2014 at 1:15 p.m.

Dear fans of MM:

If you missed our explanation in last week’s issue, it was that, after many years dispensing advice to Seven Days readers, Mistress Maeve has moved on. She’s sad to leave us, and you, behind, but she’s making her way up the career ladder. It would not surprise us to someday find her advising, say, the president of the United States. Or, for that matter, being the POTUS.

But not to worry, all you lovelorn, relationship-challenged and sexually curious dears, we’ve found another wise woman to assume the adviser’s mantle. Here’s how she asked us to introduce her:

Hello! My name is Athena. I am a third-generation matchmaker, vagabond, love goddess and sexplorer, and I am here for you.

Got a question you can’t spill even to your closest friend? Got carnal queries or insecurities? What’s got you wild, mad, sad or utterly perplexed? Go ahead — just ask Athena.

And here is Athena’s very first column for you. You can send your own question to her at

Dear Athena,

I’ve been single for nearly three years and I’m really ready for a relationship, but it’s hard to meet people. I feel self-conscious about meeting someone on an online site but kinda feel like it’s my last hope. I’ve tried going out to bars and clubs on the weekend and it’s getting old. I’ve tried everything. Am I totally desperate and uncool?



I get it. I am a longtime romantic. While the idea of meeting the love of your life in a café or museum might be more appealing, times have changed, and we need to change with them. We work, shop, play, pay our taxes and plan trips on computers; why not meet our next partner there, too? I think we can agree that most people are searching for a special someone. What’s wrong with being proactive about it?

Look, it’s a lot of work trolling the bars every weekend: getting dolled up, spending money on drinks, politely navigating a bunch of lechers, all while pretending you aren’t looking. Why not explore other options from the comfort of your home, in your PJs?

Whether or not you try online dating, shift your focus back to yourself and what you want from life in addition to love. It’s easy to think another person will complete or even “fix” us, but when we get involved with someone, we can lose sight of things that matter to us. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to sail, or meditate, or take a pottery class. Use the time you have now to develop yourself. When you start to court — and value — yourself, others will want in.



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