Dear Mistress Maeve,
My husband and I are both geeks, but that never stopped us from having a great sex life. The thing is, we're now in our third year of marriage and getting kind of bored. The result is that we're on the Internet all night instead of in each other's arms. I'm addicted to role-playing games like World of War Craft, where I can be a hot elf chick and interact with totally ripped warriors. I don't actually have "cyber-sex," but I've come close. As for my hubby, his PC is in another room, so I don't have to see what kind of porn he favors, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is.
Last night we were both online till 4 a.m. Is this really unhealthy? Do you have any advice on how we can rekindle our relationship in "meat space"?
The problem with real relationships - or IRL relationships, as you geeks would say - is that they lack the excitement of constant newness. In a virtual world, you can whip up an avatar that looks like Angelina Jolie one day, and be a hot librarian the next. As for your sweetie, he'll never run out of new wank material. Meanwhile, you can both ignore the fact that you're feeling less attracted to each other. In fact, you can ignore each other, period.
It's healthy to have down time in a relationship - up to a point. But when your eyes ache from staring at the LCD screen and you're developing carpal tunnel, you've got a problem. Sooner or later, you're going to need to remember what an actual warm body feels like.
My suggestion: Try introducing your hubby to the delights of real-life role-playing. Find out what he fantasizes about, and tell him what turns you on - even if it's brawny swordsmen and he resembles Steve Buscemi. Then get some costumes and help him rev up his hard drive. Sure, you'll feel silly at first. But you may find out a pixillated image has nothing on the real thing.
Wishing you gigs of fun,