I’ve been seeing my current boyfriend for over a year, and I’m incredibly happy. Here’s the thing: I’m much kinkier than I’ve let on, and I’m starting to become antsy for some spicier sex. I know he enjoys dirty talk and would love nothing more than to come home and see me in slinky lingerie (or just naked) waiting for him. The problem is that I’m too nervous to ever do something like that. I’ve never had this problem with any previous lovers but I never committed to any of my previous lovers, either. They were all flings, so I didn’t care and
I just let loose. I’ve somehow convinced myself that he won’t know how to react to my kinky advances, or he’ll think I’m being silly. I feel like I’ve lost the fierce sexual prowess I once had (and really enjoyed having).
In a Rut
Dear In a Rut,
It’s time to kiss your internal Madonna-whore complex good-bye. You’ve bought into the Freudian psychological complex that women can be either saintly or slutty, never both — and it’s making you incredibly unhappy. You are worried that if you reveal your kinky side, your boyfriend will reject you as long-term-relationship material because you’re more “whore” than “Madonna,” even though you say he enjoys dirty talk and lingerie.
As I see it, you’re the only one getting in the way of what you want. You don’t have to surprise him with crotchless panties and a sex swing all at once — start with a conversation. In an intimate moment, tell him that you’ve been fantasizing about wearing something sexy for him and showing him how naughty you can be. See how he reacts. I’m willing to bet that he’ll be all for it — but if he’s not, perhaps it’s time to trade him in for a kinkier model.
Kink don’t blink,